Tea and Veiled Insults?

Every year at our church, the Presbyterian Women host the Holly Tea – a women's gathering during the holiday time with a nice little program followed by tea and cookies. It's the "big event" for all the little old ladies in our church. They claim to love it when the younger generation comes to their functions, but then … well, some of them are sweet no matter what. But whenever I'm around that group, I always feel judged and disapproved of. I feel like they must think I'm the most crass and poor-mannered person they've ever encountered.

Every year, I look forward to the Holly Tea as a chance to play dress-up, to celebrate in elegance, to connect with the other women in my church. But every time, it's a disaster. I don't know what to say, and the hard-of-hearing can't hear me anyway, and they don't know what to say to me either, and no one ever remembers who I am even though I know who all of them are and have interacted with them before. It's horribly awkward. Last time I looked at someone the wrong way and she chewed me out in the middle of the speaker's program! I found out later that she's generally regarded as mentally ill and is prone to outbursts. That helped me feel a little less mortified.

This year, things went just fine despite the fact that I crept in half an hour late. The tea part was awkward, but manageable. And then I brought the kids down from the nursery. Really, I think they were both doing fine (Sarah had a hard time with people approaching her, but I thought she handled it pretty well – especially given that she's only two!). But when it was time to go and I was buckling Rebecca back into her carrier, one woman at my table asked me the ages of the girls. I said they were 4 months and two and a half. Her friend translated for me because apparently she couldn't hear me. And then she says, "Well, I hope you've had enough." What's that supposed to mean? Enough children, or enough tea? Were my children behaving badly? Was it wrong of me to nurse Rebecca at the table? Maybe I should have abandoned Sarah and hid in the bathroom to feed Rebecca? (I was so discreet, by the way, that the pastor actually came up and asked to hold the baby while I was feeding her! Yeah, I just covered up quick and handed her to him, so that wasn't as embarassing as it could have been.) Maybe she would be happy to know that I am unable to have any more children? I didn't know how to respond. It was said in such a way that I couldn't figure out if it was a joke, small talk, or an insult. I didn't dare ask for clarification. I tried to smile through the confusion and said something about needing to get going and it was nice to sit with her.

But here I am again, wondering if I embarassed myself, and what these ladies must think of me, and what they will be thinking during Rebecca's baptism on Sunday when we have to stand up there in front of everyone. And I'm thinking that if I'm on the receiving end of the under-handed comments and not dishing them out, then I'm not the one with the manners problem. And I'm glad I have a whole year to decide if I'll be going to the Holly Tea again!