Weight a Minute

When I got pregnant with Sarah, I was carrying a few extra pounds. But by the time she was 18 months old, I weighed 10 pounds less than my pre-pregnancy weight. Then I got pregnant with Rebecca, and now that she is almost 14 months I am down to the same thing I weighed before my first pregnancy. Thanks to my scale's body fat analyzer, I know my extra 8 pounds is from fat and not muscle, and it just won't seem to go away. Maybe having Rebecca fully weaned will make a difference. (She is down to 2 feedings now, so it won't be long before I am free! It's a bitter-sweet thing – kind of sad to let go, but nice to have my body back.) Maybe I will actually get back into an exercise routine like I should. And maybe I'll actually start going to bed on time! Then again … maybe the extra pounds are here to stay. Maybe they will even increase! How do I make peace with that?

For those of you who have managed to feel comfortable in your own skin – if anyone actually does – please tell me your secret! How did you do it? How do you learn to accept your body when you've been at war with it for so long? I thought I had come to terms with most of this through my first pregnancy, but really all that did was help me to feel actually connected to my body – like my physical self is a part of my actual self, and not just some adversary that houses "the real me." It didn't necessarily help me to like it any better, although I did actually like my body when I was pregnant. And I don't totally dislike my body now. But I certainly hate the extra baggage. How do I turn that into motivation to trade in old habits for healthier ones?

(A note to the guys – this post is mostly for the girls, but I know some of you struggle with your weight too, so feel free to ring in. Just be aware that the world of a woman who started dieting at the age of 8 is quite different from the world of men so please try to be sensitive to that. Thanks!)

Love Thy Neighbor

So call me a bad Christian, but I do not love my neighbors. The people below us are SO loud! And they smoke on their balcony, right underneath the girls' bedroom! (Both things - noise and smoking - are against the lease agreement.)

But the real clincher is the gunfire. Shortly after we moved in here, someone shot up one of the townhouses. That was disturbing, but then it was over and life went on. But now, we've had two instances of people shooting guns outside our building in the last month! The first was someone firing shots into the air while threatening someone on the balcony below us. (Yes, directly below where my babies sleep at night.) The second was in front of the other building - on the opposite side from us, but three people were shot. And then yesterday, I was waiting for Colin to get home and I heard a voice on a loudspeaker telling everyone to go inside and that we were inside a police line. So I looked outside and the voice was coming from a police car driving up and down the street while 2 police men with guns and clubs out and a police dog were running down the street. I was SO relieved when Colin came in the door!

This is just not good. I don't want to live in a place where I'm afraid to walk outside in broad daylight because of gun violence. Hence the reason we are beginning to look for a better living situation ... but I also hope that things won't get any worse around here. Overall, I like our place and this building isn't so bad, and it's such a big deal to uproot children -- I'm hoping the increased security will help and we won't have to move. But we're still going to look around anyway!

[Update: I should update you all and let you know that most of the "problem" people in our building appear to be gone. Some I know were evicted, and some I don't know if they moved out on their own or were evicted and I don't care. I'm just glad they're gone! We have some great families in our building and most of the people respect the rules and look out for each other. I'm glad they're cracking down on the jerks who spoil it for everybody. However, we will also probably be moving in February to the Hiawatha Artist Lofts.]